Covered by Your Grace

My Reflections on Carrier of the Good News

2011-08-22T22:03:00.000+08:00

I’m feeling proud… I’m feeling boastful… Let’s call it heavenly boasting =) that while the others are just on the stage of being encouraged and urged to be carriers of the Good News, we are already out there – working and gathering the harvest…

I feel so privileged to be in the “advance team”. I believe that the harvest is sooooo bountiful and more workers are needed in the harvest field. With the large number of youth, sitting here in the sanctuary, if all of us would go out there, Lower Bicutan will be for God in no time…

I can’t help but smile while reminiscing those days when the SOL youth were just hopping from one youth fellowship to another – from AGAP Youth Fellowships to invitations to join the Youth Fellowship of others churches and Victory Christian Fellowship’s worship night – the Lord has indeed carried us a long-long way into bringing the gospel and winning souls for Him.

Watching the SOL Youth break-out into small groups after the AGAP fellowship made my heart wants to burst out and cry... Yessssss! This hard hearted, strong-willed, emotionless woman feels like crying in the inside. Scenes like these melts me, when it comes to stuff concerning the church I'm a true-blue cry baby. Nothing can break my heart more... not even an ex-fiancee! hahaha! God reminded me through them that life with Him is indeed joyful and beautiful. =)

Who Loves God?

2011-05-27T21:51:00.000+08:00

Charlize is one of the fast-learners that I have in my class. She is shy, most of the time, hesitant to mingle and play with the other kids.She doesn't get well easily with new faces and inside the Galileo room were two- new faces, new teachers under training to take-over Galileo Dept. this school year. Yes, I'm leaving Galileo to transfer to Preschool, yep! I'm teaching the Kinder Level.At times like this she often does one of the most dreadful things for teachers, yep! you're right! She cries. And that was what she's exactly doing when I saw her outside the Galileo room. Her mom was talking to her and I can sense her disappointment with her daughter. I saw relief on her face when she saw me coming. I asked Charlize why she's crying, held her hand and led her inside the Galileo room. The room was packed and I introduce her to the new teachers, it wasn't part of my plan to sit there and assist I have other things in my mind, a lot actually!

She was carrying a small bucket with shells and rocks from their last beach outing. She stopped at my table when she saw the shells inside an open box on my table. Noticing it I asked her if she likes it. This led us at the back room to get the others shells and beads that I'm keeping for the Math Art class. We made a key-chain out of shells. Going back for her Galileo session, I pulled my table drawer and look for a plastic to secure the beads that I gave her. I got the one with a rosary inside. Seeing the look on her face, I gave it to her as well. The Rosary is nice, it's made up of white and pink shinning beads. It was given to me by one of my students grandmother, who thought that I'm a catholic. Not wanting to hurt her feelings I kept the gift.

Charlize has warmed-up already, she's now smiling and telling stories. She even played hide and seek with 3-year old Annika. =) While doing her worksheet, she held the cross that was hanging from her neck. Looking at me she asked, "Who loves God?" I was surprised but I answered; "Me! I do love God." asking her back I said, "What about you? Do you love God?". Smiling at me, she nodded and went back to her writing. Then she paused and said, "Do you know that God loves the bad guys?". I nodded. She continued, "He loves everybody so much that He even loves the bad guys." I answered; "Yes, that's right. He loves everybody so much that even the bad guys wants to be good because they want Jesus to love them even more." She looked at me and nodded.

It was such an eternal instant. A moment that I would never forget whenever I see Charlize inside the Galileo room. She proved to me that nobody is too young to understand the gospel. She made me realized that nothing is complicated about God's love. He loves me just because. If God loves everybody, even the bad guys (you and me included), the mind boggling question is "Who loves God?" What about you? Do you love God? Your answer is like mine right, YES! But are you sure?

If you love God why aren't you praying? why aren't you reading the Bible? Why is it so hard for you to wake up in the morning to do your devotion? Why do you skip church and go to the mall instead? why did you take that 2-weeks leave and reasoned out that you need rest? why? Does God gets tired of loving you?

God will never ever get tired of loving you and me. We won't be able to love God as He loves us but He can teach us to love in exactly the same manner as He does. Unselfishly, unconditionally...

These Four Walls

2011-05-27T20:09:00.000+08:00

Dare to explore a world that is bigger than you know. There are a lot of reasons to not do something or not feel something. Those boundaries and walls are put up by ourselves. Once we're able to step outside of them, we can truly realize the endless possibilities the world has to offer.

Buffet - Wong Fu x Harry Shum Jr.

2011-05-27T19:52:00.000+08:00

This really is funny!

Redeemer... Restorer... Sustainer...

2011-05-26T21:20:00.000+08:00

" Blessed is the Lord who has not left you without a redeemer today, and may his name become famous in Israel... May he also be to you a restorer of life and a sustainer of your old age..." (Ruth 4:14-15)

Redeemer... Restorer... Sustainer... From the very beginning of the chaos in my life up to this very moment God has been faithful and true to perform these roles in my life.

The story of Ruth fascinates me not just because of the sweet love story of Boaz and Ruth, not just because of the deep level of commitment, loyalty and companionship that Ruth and Naomi had but most of all, it is indeed fascinating because of the love of God that was reflected in the story.

I needed a Redeemer, someone who'll buy back all I have lost - holiness, reputation, relationship, sense of worth, self-respect and my list could go on and on.

I needed a Restorer, someone who would establish my future again and replace my present situation with what was really intended for me to have.

I needed a Sustainer, someone who will provide for all I need - physically, emotionally, spiritually - someone who would make it a point that I would have the kind of life that is really meant for, someone who would ensure that I would always have enough.

And God has once again proved to me that He is indeed my all in all - my Redeemer, my Restorer, my Sustainer. He performed and will continue to perform these roles in my life. He is all faithful and true. And because of these truths, I am confident that my future is secure. Goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life. God will bless me and will make my role significant in His kingdom, just like Ruth, as I seek to follow Him. He will renew my heart and transform my mind so that He may be able to use me again as He have always wanted.

Back To Blogging

2011-05-25T20:22:00.002+08:00

I miss blogging. Maybe it's about time to try this prolific pen again. *lol* My tragic experience has left me uninspired - unable to feel and to express my deep thoughts and emotions. I believe that God has restored me and healed me completely.

He gave back to me all the things that the enemy has taken away from me - including my ability to praise Him in written word.

Now I will blog again to declare the goodness of God and how He has blessed me by His abounding grace.

Just Like Kids!

2009-09-03T21:02:00.008+08:00

What does it meant to be childlike? Get a dictionary and you might read something like "to be like a child". Heard about it, thought I knew it but I was wrong. I never fully understood what it meant not until my world has been surrounded by kids everyday. Yes, God is teaching me how to be childlike again. I've "grown" old. I missed the wonder. I've lost the awe. I need to be like a child once more. And day by day, my students are teaching me how...

Kids love to learn. They are excited about new things, never failed to ask questions. They are always asking, "why?". I'm faced with a thousand "why's" everyday. Am I successful in giving them the answers they want? Yes! Most of the time, I just answer them with, "Oh, it's just because it's like that." A simple "just because" and they will start nodding like they've understood already. They were satisfied because they are sooooo trusting. They trust teacher enough to settle with teacher's answer. No matter what the "just because" means they know that teacher will not bring them to harm. I have learned from them that I must not stop to love learning, even if it means that I might get hurt in the process, I must trust my Master Teacher because He will never lead me to harm.

Kids don't mind admitting when they don't know something. With a sheepish smile my students will just call my attention and tell me that they don't know what to do and they need help. And they listen intently to instructions, Yes, I know some don't pay attention but still they don't mind to ask again because they still don't know yet what to do. Reality slapped me. I have messed up because I've pretended that I know what I was doing but I didn't. I was afraid to ask for help. So afraid to admit that I don't know. My life could have taken a different turn if I just asked my Master Teacher right away.

Kids love everybody with all their heart. Aw! Why? Because they don't have insecurities. It doesn't matter if you don't have all your front teeth. Somebody won the game they are all rejoicing, another classmate got a star stamp they all gather around that kid and looked like they too have one. And kids are so forgiving. They are fighting this minute and the next minute they are laughing together as if they've never fought their entire life. I can't just love everybody. I can't just forgive that easily especially if I was hurt very badly. But my Master Teacher is teaching me to let go of the angst, get rid of the bitterness, don't focus on my pain and love once again. It's amazing how kids just love everybody with all their heart, as if they have many reserved hearts. My Master Teacher is telling me that I can once again love with all my heart.

I want to trust, to depend, to laugh, to be humble, to forgive, to love just like a child once again...

Teacher Mel

2009-08-29T18:57:00.007+08:00

Life is still a blast! For all the wrong things that happened in my life being a preschool teacher is the only thing that has been right. It's always fun to be around kids. They showered me with hugs and kisses and affection during the time that I needed it most. With all my emotional baggage still on my back, my first few months in teaching was chaotic. Most of the time, I'm struggling with knowing the school rules and set-ups and taking care of my personal life. I always find myself sobbing inside the bathroom whenever I had the opportunity. But the kids never failed to make me laugh. It amazes me how sensitive they are. They lavished me with warm embraces whenever they've noticed that something's not right with me. Some gave me a tap on the head. Yeah! I know it's supposed to be at the back but kids get theirs on the head most of the time right? That's why I got mine on the head also. Some even noticed how sad my eyes looked at certain days. Yes, I usually put up a happy face in front of them at that time but I guess that did the trick.

Things got better as I started to get along with my new world. Slowly, I am learning to embrace the consequences of my ill decisions and actions. Now, I always have reasons to get-out of the bed in the morning. My bunch of little angels would be waiting for their Galileo Teacher. The dopey-eyed teacher will be missed if she'll not show-up in school. I don't have a child of my own, at least not at this time yet, but these kids filled-up all that void inside me that screams for a baby. They are my kids. In school, I am like a mother to them, a friend at some point and a playmate sometimes.

I really feel blessed to be part of their lives. My memories with them will be forever cherished. Hmmm, wait! I'm not leaving them yet. Why the sad note? We've only just begun!

Make Friends With Whatever’s Next

2009-08-04T19:18:00.000+08:00

by Max Lucado

Embrace it. Accept it. Don’t resist it. Change is not only a part of life; change is a necessary part of God’s strategy. To use us to change the world, he alters our assignments. Gideon: from farmer to general; Mary: from peasant girl to the mother of Christ; Paul: from local rabbi to world evangelist. God transitioned Joseph from a baby brother to an Egyptian prince. He changed David from a a shepherd to a king. Peter wanted to fish the Sea of Galilee. God called him to lead the first church. God makes reassignments.

But, someone might ask, what about the tragic changes God permits? Some seasons make no sense…do such moments serve a purpose?

They do if we see them from an eternal perspective. What makes no sense in this lie will make perfect sense in the next. I have proof: you in the womb.

I know you don’t remember this prenatal season, so let me remind you what happened during it. Every gestation day equipped you for your earthly life. Your bones solidified, your eyes developed, the umbilical cord transported nutrients into your growing frame…for what reason? So you might remain enwombed? Quite the contrary. Womb time equipped you for earth time, suited you up for your postpartum existence.

Some prenatal features went unused before birth. You grew a nose but didn’t breathe. Eyes developed, but could you see? Your tongue, toenails, and crop of hair served no function in your mother’s belly. But aren’t you glad you have them now?

Certain chapters in this life seem so unnecessary, like nostrils on the preborn. Suffering. Loneliness. Disease. Holocausts. Martyrdom. Monsoons. If we assume this world exists just for pregrave happiness, these atrocities disqualify it from doing so. But what if this earth is the womb? Might these challenges, severe as they may be, serve to prepare us, equip us for the world to come? As Paul wrote, “These little troubles are getting us ready for an eternal glory that will make all our troubles seem like nothing” (2 Cor. 4:17 CEV).

"The Blessing of a Storm"

2009-07-30T21:14:00.000+08:00

by Wendy Greiner Lefko

I did not know His love before,
The way I know it now.
I could not see my need for Him,
My pride would not allow.
I had it all, without a care,
The "Self-sufficient" lie.
My path was smooth, my sea was still,
Not a cloud was in my sky.

I thought I knew His love for me,
I thought I'd seen His grace,
I thought I did not need to grow,
I thought I'd found my place.
But then the way grew rough and dark,
The storm clouds quickly rolled;
The waves began to rock my ship,
I found I had no hold.

The ship that I had built myself
Was made of foolish pride.
It fell apart and left me bare,
With nowhere else to hide
I had no strength or faith to face
The trials that lay ahead,
And so I simply spoke His name
And bowed my weary head.

His loving arms enveloped me,
And then He helped me stand.
He said, "You still must face this storm,
But I will hold your hand."
So through the dark and lonely night
He guided me through pain.
I could not see the light of day
Or when I'd smile again.

Yet through the pain and endless tears,
My faith began to grow.
I could not see it at the time,
But my light began to glow.
I saw God's love in a brand new light,
His grace and mercy, too.
For only when all self was gone could
Jesus' love shine through.

It was not easy in the storm,
I sometimes wondered why.
At times I thought, "I can’t go on."
I'd hurt, and doubt, and cry.
But Jesus never left my side,
He guided me each day.
Through pain and strife,
Through fire and flood,
He helped me all the way.

And now I see as ne'er before
How great His love can be,
How in my weakness He is strong,
How Jesus cares for me!
He worked it all out for my good,
Although the way was rough.
He only sent what I could bear,
And then He said, "Enough!"

He raised His hand and said, "Be still!"
He made the storm clouds cease.
He opened up the gates of joy
And flooded me with peace.
I saw His face now clearer still,
I felt His presence strong,
I found anew His faithfulness,
He never did me wrong.

And now I know more storms will come,
But only for my good,
For pain and tears have helped me grow
As nothing ever could.
I still have so much more to learn
As Jesus works in me;
If in the storm I'll love Him more,
That's where I want to be!

Lessons from the book of 2 Samuel: Ahithophel's Death

2009-07-19T17:35:00.000+08:00

Now David had been told, "Ahithophel is among the conspirators with Absalom." So David prayed, "O Lord, turn Ahithophel's counsel into foolishness." -- 2 Samuel 15:31

Now in those days the advice Ahithophel gave was like that of one who inquires of God. That was how both David and Absalom regarded all of Ahithophel's advice. -- 2 Samuel 16:23

When Ahithophel saw that his advice had not been followed, he saddled his donkey and set out for his house in his hometown. He put his house in order and then hanged himself. So he died and was buried in his father's tomb. -- 2 Samuel 17:23

When David heard Ahithophel had joined Absalom's rebellion, for a moment he was almost afraid. Ahithophel was widely regarded as the wisest man in the whole kingdom. His advice was treated like the very word of the Lord.

To David, this man was more dangerous than a whole army. Yet, as his onetime best friend, David knew Ahithophel's weaknesses very well. If this wise counselor's advice was ever rejected, his own insecurities would destroy him.

With this in mind, David sent his dear friend Hushai into the camp of Absalom. Under the guise of betraying David, Hushai would do his best to frustrate the counsel of Ahithophel.

Finally, when the right moment came, Hushai's advice was accepted, while Ahithophel's counsel was rejected. Ahithophel was shocked. No human had ever rejected his advice. After all, everyone said his counsel was like that of God. When he had stormed out of the room, he mounted his donkey and headed home.

Before he had reached his home, however, his burning anger had been replaced by a dark despair. Why live any longer if no one would listen to him?

In fact, since Absalom had not listened, his rebellion was now doomed to failure. When Ahithophel had set his affairs in order, he committed suicide by hanging himself.

What lessons can we learn from the tragic end of the earth's wisest man?

First, when a person is prideful or insecure, they cannot stand for anyone to reject them. Since their self-worth is based on their success and the approval of the people who value that success, when they lose either of these things, it is as if the very foundations of their personhood are destroyed.

In my own life, I have found that unless the righteousness of Christ and the approval of God are the basis for my esteem, sooner or later I will be left feeling as if I have no worth at all.

Second, even as Ahithophel mounted his donkey when he was rejected, so I have seen many people become donkeys when their advice is spurned or their opinions are minimized.

I have watched some of these people destroy their reputations through their responses. Others have even lost their most cherished relationships.

Third, when Ahithophel's counsel was disregarded, he quit and went home. I have seen Christians around the world repeat Ahithophel's tragic mistake repeatedly.

Whether they are quitting their church, ministry, job, or marriage, when things don't go their way, they're gone. Sadly, after they have left, they become more vulnerable to the enemy's attacks.

Fourth, Ahithophel committed suicide. Although I have seen very few Christians commit physical suicide, I have seen hundreds of Christians come to the brink of spiritual suicide.

Some of them leave the very church or ministry where God has called them because they did not receive the position or recognition they felt they deserved. Others walk away from their divine relationships because they feel slighted or misunderstood.

Whichever be the case, insecurity will bring destruction to your life if you do not bring it to Christ and His cross.

May God cut away the insecurity which is clinging to your soul as you ponder the story of Ahithophel's untimely death.

Why Do You Strike Me?

2009-06-10T19:32:00.000+08:00

When Jesus was brought to the High Priest and to Pilate, He remained calm and said almost nothing. Saying nothing at all is not a sign of weakness but of strength and maturity. It takes a lot of self-control and self-discipline to keep one’s self from talking and fighting back. It is man’s natural tendency to defend himself, all of us have survival instincts.

But I don’t want to just survive, I want to live. My experiences right now has truly made a lot of difference in my perspective, my character and my spiritual walk with God. Meekness, humbleness, and quietness of Spirit have been granted to me. And have been tested in the midst of all these adversities.

Inside my heart:

Heavenly Father, I am praying that You still keep my mouth and my heart pure and blameless even if some people are saying bad things about me. Grant me the serenity of resting in Your presence and shower me the comfort of your embrace. Embrace me Lord, always. I need You more and more in my life.

Lord, please teach me to be patient. Give me wisdom and harnest my heart. My future is still secure. In the same way that You've brought back Peter and had used him mightily in the ministry, I believe that You'll also restore me in a secure position in Your Kingdom. Thank you for taking my brokenness and touching me with Your healing grace. I can't express how much gratefulness I am experiencing right now in my present situation because of Your love, understanding and acceptance that You have showered me through the people who have encouraged me and uplifted me along the way.

The battle is no longer mine but Yours. You are my avenger. And for the glory of Your name, I believe that You are saving me from my present distress. In the name of Your Son Jesus Christ, this is my heart's prayer...

YOU

2009-06-08T20:20:00.000+08:00

by: Britt Nicole

I've been looking for love in another's eyes
Searching for water, but I come up dry
Thought that I could find
Happiness in the world's applause
Peace of mind in a worthy cause
Take me back, take me back
Go to trust in the simple truth
Got to trust all I really need is

[CHORUS]
You
I'm coming back to
You
The only thing I know worth living for
Will You take this heart and make it more like
You
I give it back to You
It's obvious no one could love me more
I'm Yours
I'm coming back, yeah
I'm coming, coming back

To joy that speaks to my deepest need
To arms never far out of reach
Yeah, how Your love it
Calls to me when I lose my way
Holds me close when I feel afraid
Take me back, take me back
Got to trust that I'm safe and sound
Got to trust that it all comes down to

[CHORUS]

So no more getting caught in the middle
No more waiting for what is unsure
Back to Your love so true and so simple
Don't understate it or complicate it
It's so simple, yeah, it's so simple

It's You
I'm coming back to
You
The only thing I know worth living for
Will You take this heart and make it more like
You
I give it back to You
It's obvious no one could love me more
I'm Yours
I'm coming, coming back
You
I'm coming back to
You
The only thing I know worth living for
Will You take this heart and make it more like
You
I give it back to You
It's obvious no one could love me more
I'm Yours
I'm coming, coming back

You, coming back to You, You coming back
You, coming back to You, You coming back
You, coming back to You, You coming back
You, coming back to You, You coming back

I'm Yours, I'm Yours, yeah, yeah
I'm Yours, I'm Yours, yeah, yeah

The Cure for Disappointment

2009-05-23T15:34:00.000+08:00

by Max Lucado

Don’t ask God to do what you want. Ask God to do what is right.
When God doesn’t do what we want, it’s not easy. Never has been. Never will be. But faith is the conviction that God knows more than we do about this life and he will get us through it.
Disappointment is cured by revamped expectations.

I like that story about the fellow who went to the pet store in search of a singing parakeet. Seems he was a bachelor and his house was too quiet. The store owner had just the bird for him, so the man bought it. The next day the bachelor came home from work to a house full of music. He went to the cage to feed the bird and noticed for the first time that the parakeet had only one leg.

He felt cheated that he’d been sold a one-legged bird, so he called and complained.
“What do you want,” the store owner responded, “a bird who can sing or a bird who can dance?”
Good question for times of disappointment.

Someone To Watch Over Me

2009-05-12T19:14:00.000+08:00

Someone To Watch Over Me - Aiza Seguerra

There’s a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we’re often told, "seek and ye shall find"
So I’m going to seek a certain lad I’ve had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven’t found him yet
He’s the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret

I’d like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There’s a somebody I’m longin’ to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who’ll watch over me

I’m a little lamb who’s lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who’ll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key

Won’t you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

(bridge)

Won’t you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

Someone to watch over me

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Inside my heart:

Imprinted in every woman's heart is the longing to have someone to take care of them. They are made "weak" and "needy" so that man would be compelled to protect, defend, look after and love them. I'm not "every woman". I don't have it all in me. Feeling of loneliness often creeps my door recently. I am a fragile and vulnerable soul inside a hard shell.

2009-03-22T19:26:00.000+08:00

by Max Lucado

When betrayal comes, what do you do? Get out? Get angry? Get even? You have to deal with it some way. Let’s see how Jesus dealt with it.

Begin by noticing how Jesus saw Judas. “Jesus answered, ‘Friend, do what you came to do.’ ” (Matthew 26:50)

Of all the names I would have chosen for Judas it would not have been “friend.” What Judas did to Jesus was grossly unfair. There is no indication that Jesus ever mistreated Judas. There is no clue that Judas was ever left out or neglected. When, during the Last Supper, Jesus told the disciples that his betrayer sat at the table, they didn’t turn to one another and whisper, “It’s Judas. Jesus told us he would do this.”

They didn’t whisper it because Jesus never said it. He had known it. He had known what Judas would do, but he treated the betrayer as if he were faithful.

It’s even more unfair when you consider the betrayal was Judas’s idea. The religious leaders didn’t seek him, Judas sought them. “What will you pay me for giving Jesus to you?” he asked. (Matthew 26:15) The betrayal would have been more palatable had Judas been propositioned by the leaders, but he wasn’t. He propositioned them.

And Judas’s method … again, why did it have to be a kiss? (Matthew 26: 48–49)

And why did he have to call him “Teacher”? (Matthew 26:49) That’s a title of respect. The incongruity of his words, deeds, and actions—I wouldn’t have called Judas “friend.”

But that is exactly what Jesus called him. Why? Jesus could see something we can’t...

Jesus knew Judas had been seduced by a powerful foe. He was aware of the wiles of Satan’s whispers (he had just heard them himself). He knew how hard it was for Judas to do what was right.

He didn’t justify what Judas did. He didn’t minimize the deed. Nor did he release Judas from his choice. But he did look eye to eye with his betrayer and try to understand.

As long as you hate your enemy, a jail door is closed and a prisoner is taken. But when you try to understand and release your foe from your hatred, then the prisoner is released and that prisoner is you.

After All

2009-03-22T19:17:00.000+08:00

After All - Gary Valenciano

After All
by: Gary Valenciano

I asked her for a smile
She couldn't, I don't know why
Could it be that it's all over?
Such a short love affair,
I feel it's so unfair
But what can I do
To keep this love, oh so true
The feelings can't be gone
We've only just begun
Why must we end it?
I feel we should go on,
Coz' I can still feel the fire's warmth,
The sparks of love that keep it shining on!

I'll be standing here even though it's through
I'll have a space in my heart for you
I don't know how I'll fake it,
And I doubt if I can make it!
And if you get to realize,
Just turn and look into my eyes,
Coz' then you'd come to know
That it was me after all

You know we still have time,
It's not too late to change your mind,
Why must we end it?
I feel we should go on,
Coz' I can still feel the fire's warmth,
The sparks of love that keep it shining on!

I'll be standing here even though it's through
I'll have a space in my heart for you
I don't know how I'll fake it
And I doubt if I can make it
And if you get to realize
Just turn and look into my eyes
Coz' then you'd come to know
That it was me after all...

The Best Kind of Love

2009-03-12T19:29:00.000+08:00

by: Annette Paxman Bowen
I have a friend who is falling in love. She honestly claims the sky is bluer. Mozart moves her to tears. She has lost 15 pounds and looks like a cover girl. "I am young again!" she shouts exuberantly. As my friend raves on about her new love, I've taken a good look at my old one. My husband of almost 20 years, Scott, has gained 15 pounds. Once a marathon runner, he now runs only down hospital halls. His hairline is receding and his body shows signs of long working hours and too many candy bars. Yet he can still give me a certain look across a restaurant table and I want to ask for the check and head home. When my friend asked me "What will make this love last?" I ran through all the obvious reasons: commitment, shared interests, unselfishness, physical attraction, and communication. Yet there's more. We still have fun. Spontaneous good times. Yesterday, after slipping the rubber band off the rolled newspaper, Scott flipped it playfully at me: this led to an all-out war. Last Saturday at the grocery, we split the list and raced each other to see who could make it to the checkout first. Even washing dishes can be a blast. We enjoy simply being together. And there are surprises. One time I came home to find a note on the front door that led me to another note, then another, until I reached the walk-in closet. I opened the door to find Scott holding a "pot of gold" (my cooking kettle) and the "treasure" of a gift package. Sometimes I leave him notes on the mirror and little presents under his pillow. There is understanding. I understand why he must play basketball with the guys. And he understands why, once a year, I must get away from the house, the kids - and even him - to meet my sisters for a few days of nonstop talking and laughing. There is sharing. Not only do we share household worries and parental burdens - we also share ideas. Scott came home from a convention last month and presented me with a thick historical novel. Though he prefers thrillers and science fiction, he had read the novel on the plane. He touched my heart when he explained it was because he wanted to be able to exchange ideas about the book after I'd read it. There is forgiveness. When I'm embarrassingly loud and crazy at parties, Scott forgives me. When he confessed losing some of our savings in the stock market, I gave him a hug and said, "It's okay. It's only money." There is sensitivity. Last week he walked through the door with that look that tells me it's been a tough day. After he spent some time with the kids, I asked him what happened. He told me about a 60-year old woman that had a stroke. He wept as he recalled the woman's husband standing beside her bed, caressing her hand. How was he going to tell this husband of 40 years that his wife would probably never recover? I shed a few tears myself. Because of the medical crisis. Because there were still people who have been married 40 years. Because my husband is still moved and concerned after years of hospital rooms and dying patients. There is faith. Last Tuesday a friend came over and confessed her fear that her husband is losing his courageous battle with cancer. On Wednesday I went to lunch with a friend who is struggling to reshape her life after divorce. On Thursday a neighbor called to talk about the frightening effects of Alzheimer's disease on her father-in-law's personality. On Friday a childhood friend called long-distance to tell me her father had died. I hung up the phone and thought, This is too much heartache for one week. Through my tears, as I went out to run some errands, I noticed the boisterous orange blossoms of the gladiolus outside my window. I heard the delighted laughter of my son and his friend as they played. I caught sight of a wedding party emerging from a neighbor's house. The bride, dressed in satin and lace, tossed her bouquet to her cheering friends. That night, I told my husband about these events. We helped each other acknowledge the cycles of life and that the joys counter the sorrows. It was enough to keep us going. Finally, there is knowing. I know Scott will throw his laundry just shy of the hamper every night;he'll be late to most appointments and eat the last chocolate in the box. He knows that I sleep with a pillow over my head. I guess our love lasts because it is comfortable. No, the sky is not bluer: it's just a familiar hue. We don't feel particularly young: we've experienced too much that has contributed to our growth and wisdom, taking its toll on our bodies, and created our memories. I hope we've got what it takes to make our love last. As a bride, I had Scott's wedding band engraved with Robert Browning's line "Grow old along with me!" We're following those instructions. "If anything is real, the heart will make it plain." There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be blessed to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever. Hope you find this kind of love in your life. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My Deep Thought: I was in tears while reading this email from a friend. This is what I also wanted in my own marriage. A love that would stood the test of time. A love that is mature and secure. Not founded on feelings that are faltering and changing, but on truth, acceptance and commitment. I had experienced a lot of heartaches lately but I will not give-up the hope that one day in God's perfect timing, He'll say to me, "Here's the one I have created just for you."

2009-03-09T18:11:00.000+08:00

by Max Lucado

Go with me for a moment to witness what was perhaps the foggiest night in history. The scene is very simple; you’ll recognize it quickly. A grove of twisted olive trees. Ground cluttered with large rocks. A low stone fence. A dark, dark night.

Now, look into the picture. Look closely through the shadowy foliage. See that person? See that solitary figure? What’s he doing? Flat on the ground. Face stained with dirt and tears. Fists pounding the hard earth. Eyes wide with a stupor of fear. Hair matted with salty sweat. Is that blood on his forehead?

That’s Jesus. Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Maybe you’ve seen the classic portrait of Christ in the garden. Kneeling beside a big rock. Snow-white robe. Hands peacefully folded in prayer. A look of serenity on his face. Halo over his head. A spotlight from heaven illuminating his golden-brown hair.

Now, I’m no artist, but I can tell you one thing. The man who painted that picture didn’t use the gospel of Mark as a pattern. When Mark wrote about that painful night, he used phrases like these: “Horror and dismay came over him.” “My heart is ready to break with grief.” “He went a little forward and threw himself on the ground.”

Does this look like the picture of a saintly Jesus resting in the palm of God? Hardly. Mark used black paint to describe this scene. We see an agonizing, straining, and struggling Jesus. We see a “man of sorrows.” (Isaiah 53:3 NASB) We see a man struggling with fear, wrestling with commitments, and yearning for relief.

We see Jesus in the fog of a broken heart.

The writer of Hebrews would later pen, “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death.” (Hebrews 5:7 NIV)

My, what a portrait! Jesus is in pain. Jesus is on the stage of fear. Jesus is cloaked, not in sainthood, but in humanity.

The next time the fog finds you, you might do well to remember Jesus in the garden. The next time you think that no one understands, reread the fourteenth chapter of Mark. The next time your self-pity convinces you that no one cares, pay a visit to Gethsemane. And the next time you wonder if God really perceives the pain that prevails on this dusty planet, listen to him pleading among the twisted trees.

The next time you are called to suffer, pay attention. It may be the closest you’ll ever get to God. Watch closely. It could very well be that the hand that extends itself to lead you out of the fog is a pierced one.

Song Of My Soul

2009-02-26T11:31:00.000+08:00

SONG OF MY SOUL
by: Carol Banawa

Here I am, an empty soul
Walking all alone through my life
Here I am, a lost soul
Looking for a place where I can hide
And find refuge, my long lost peace
and all alse that will put my restless soul at ease.

So come my Lord, calm my heart
Pacify the sea that has been tearing me apart
Oh come my Lord, calm my soul
Take me in Yours arms and make me whole, my Lord

Here I am, still searching for the place
That every person calls home
Here my prayer, here my song
For only unto You do I belong
I've searched so hard all my life through
For a love that I know I can only find in You

Unmerited favor

2009-02-20T14:42:00.000+08:00

I never understood grace. I thought I did but I don't. Not until I've been in a situation where I cannot control anymore. A situation that made me fell down big time. That's when I understood grace. It is something rooted not on who I am, what I've done, what I can do and what my current situation is. It is deeply rooted in God - His justice, His compassion, His mercy, His love. It saved me from the deepest pit that I was into.

Unmerited favor, this is what God has given me inspite of what I've been to. I don't deserve this and I can't forgive myself enough to accept this joyfully. But God insisted. I need to accept. Now, I am contemplating on giving back to someone what I freely received from God. I hope that I am making the right decision. I need more confirmations from God. I need to be sure that I am doing the right thing.

So help me God.

Break Me

2009-02-16T19:16:00.000+08:00

by: gary v.

No words are left now to be spoken

When all my promises are broken
And all excuses i have used in justifying
My actions move me so much closer to the fire
But now i know
Seems i've lost my soul

Make me and take me
Can you find me in this world
I've chosen and never let me go
Hold me and mold me
And if there's no other way
To make me whole
Go ahead and break me
Then remake me
Hold it on i won't give up
Coz i know you wont give up
On me

Grow weary of my ways pretending
Showing i'm okay when i am hurting
But now i know
Time to find my soul

Make me and take me
Can you find me in this world
I've chosen and never let me go
Hold me and mold me
And if there's no other way
To make me whole

I've been too proud
And now i don't know where to go
And like the son who came back home
Im giving you my life
My mind, my heart, my soul
I'm trusting you enough to break me
Then to make me whole

Can you find me in this world
I've lost and never let me go
Hold me and mold me
And if there's no other way
To make me whole
Go ahead and break, break me
Gently remake me
Hold it on i won't give up
Coz i know you won't give up
You're never givin up on me

No, no, no, no ,no

You're never givin up on one like me

2008-11-20T16:23:00.000+08:00

The Perfect Woman

By Paulo Coelho

Nasrudin was talking to a friend, who asked him:

‘Have you never considered getting married, Mullah?’

‘I have,’ replied Nasrudin. ‘In my youth, I resolved to find the perfect woman. I crossed the desert and reached Damascus, and I met a lovely, very spiritual woman, but she knew nothing of the world. I continued my journey and went to Isfahan; there I met a woman who knew both the spiritual and the material world, but she was not pretty. Then I decided to go to Cairo, where I dined in the house of a beautiful woman, who was both religious and a connoisseur of material reality.’

‘Why didn’t you marry her, then?’

‘Alas, my friend, she was looking for the perfect man.’

TO HAVE AND TO HOLD

2008-11-08T17:46:00.000+08:00

music and lyrics: Trina Belamide

written for Raymart-Claudine wedding
produced by: The Trina Belamide Song Shop for ABS-CBN. ©2006

I
This very moment, right here and now
Begins the journey of my dreams
On to forever, hand in hand
With the one who matters most to me
I have tomorrow to look forward to
For God has given me you

CHORUS 1
To have and to hold
To cherish and honor
To love and call my very own
To share all I am with
Body, heart and soul
You are mine as I am yours
To have and to hold

II
Partner, companion, lover and friend
Keeper of all things I hold dear
I see you before me and my heart is filled with joy
For everything that has brought me here
And I have tomorrow to look forward to
For God has given me you

(chorus)
(short instrumental)
I have tomorrow to look forward to
For God has given me you

CHORUS 2
To have and to hold
To cherish and honor
To love and call my very own
To share all I am with
Body heart and soul
You are mine as I am yours
All my days, all my life
To have and to hold

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm always in awe how two people find each other and decide to spend the rest of their lives together. I almost thought that I will never be given the chance to share my life and myself ultimately and intimately to someone.

Doubting God’s existence

2008-11-05T19:40:00.000+08:00

By Paulo Coelho

A man went to trim his hair and beard. As always happens, he and the barber chatted about this and that, until - commenting on a newspaper article about street kids - the barber stated:

- As you can see, this tragedy shows that God doesn’t exist.

- How?

- Don’t you read the papers? So many people suffer, abandoned children, there’s so much crime. If God existed, there wouldn’t be so much suffering.

The customer thought for a moment, but his haircut was nearly finished, and he decided not to prolong the conversation. They returned to gentler topics, the job was done, the customer paid and left.

However, the first thing he saw was a tramp, with several days of beard, and long tangled hair. Immediately, he returned to the barber’s shop and said to the man who had served him:

- You know something? Barbers don’t exist.

- What do you mean, don’t exist? I’m here, and I’m a barber.

- They don’t exist! - insisted the man. - Because if they did, there wouldn’t be people with such longs beards and such tangled hair as I’ve just witnessed up on the corner.

- I can guarantee that barbers do exist. But that man has never come in here.

- Exactly! So, in answer to your question, God exists, too. It just so happens that people don’t go to Him. If they did, they would be more giving, and there wouldn’t be so much misery in the world.

Blog - just but a poor reflection

2008-10-14T14:46:00.000+08:00

Natututo akong magblog dahil kay Ms. Thess, Dahil sa blog nagkaron ako ng hingahan at sabihan ng mga nararamdaman ko at ng mga iniisip ko. Nagkaroon ako ng maraming "virtual" na kaibigan na ang ilan ay naging panandalian at ang iba naman ay naging pangmatagalan. Nakakatulong sa 'kin ng malaki ang blog. Pero meron rin pala itong mga disadvantages katulad ng ito ay nagiging daan upang mahusgahan ka ng hindi tama ng mga taong nagbabasa nito. Hindi natin maiiwasan na magkaroon ng sariling interpretasyon ang mga taong nagbabasa ng ating mga isinusulat at dahil sa ito ay isang "public" space, marami ang maaring magbasa, magbigay ng sariling kuro-kuro at mga pana-pananaw at pala-palagay.

Isinusulat ko kung ano ang nararamdaman ko sa blog pero madalas hindi ang buong kwento. Meron akong mga itinitirang mga "sikreto" para sa sarili ko lang. Marahil iyon ang dahilan kung bakit madalas na-iinterpret ng taliwas sa aking nais sabihin ang aking mga naisusulat. Ang blog ay napakaliit na bahagi lamang ng aking pagkatao. Maraming mga iba pa akong iniisip at hindi mabilang na mga bagay-bagay na nagaganap sa buhay ko na hindi nakadokumento sa blog. Hindi naman yata makatarungan na magbuo ng isang kwento at ng isang kongklusyon sa mga tagni-tagning post.

Nasusubaybayan ng sinuman ang buhay ko sa blog ngunit hindi ang buong buhay ko. Kaya't kung iniisip ng iba na kilala na nila ako ng dahil sa mga nababasa nila sa aking blog, ito ay isang malaking pagkakamali. Dahil ang blog ay napakalabong repleksyon lamang ng tunay na ako. Merong mga bahagi sa buhay ko na itunuturing ko pa ring "private". Kaya't kung nais mo akong makilala ng lubusan bigyan mo ako ng pagkakataon na tayo ay maging tunay na magkaibigan. Ipapakilala ko ang sarili ko sa'yo. Ang tunay na ako.

2008-09-25T03:38:00.000+08:00

by Max Lucado

Grudge is one of those words that defines itself. Its very sound betrays its meaning.

Say it slowly: “Grr-uuuud-ge.”

It starts with a growl. “Grr …” Like a bear with bad breath coming out of hibernation or a mangy mongrel defending his bone in an alley. “Grrr …”

Remove a GR from the word grudge and replace it with SL and you have the junk that grudge bearers trudge through. Sludge. Black, thick, ankle-deep resentment that steals the bounce from the step. No joyful skips through the meadows. No healthy hikes up the mountain. Just day after day of walking into the storm, shoulders bent against the wind, and feet dragging through all the muck life has delivered.

Is this the way you are coping with your hurts? Are you allowing your hurts to turn into hates? If so, ask yourself: Is it working? Has your hatred done you any good? Has your resentment brought you any relief, any peace? Has it granted you any joy?

Let’s say you get even. Let’s say you get him back. Let’s say she gets what she deserves. Let’s say your fantasy of fury runs its ferocious course and you return all your pain with interest. Imagine yourself standing over the corpse of the one you have hated. Will you now be free?

The writer of the following letter thought she would be. She thought her revenge would bring release. But she learned otherwise.

I caught my husband making love to another woman. He swore it would never happen again. He begged me to forgive him, but I could not—would not. I was so bitter and so incapable of swallowing my pride that I could think of nothing but revenge. I was going to make him pay and pay dearly. I’d have my pound of flesh.

I filed for divorce, even though my children begged me not to.

Even after the divorce, my husband tried for two years to win me back. I refused to have anything to do with him. He had struck first; now I was striking back. All I wanted was to make him pay.

Finally he gave up and married a lovely young widow with a couple of small children. He began rebuilding his life—without me.

I see them occasionally, and he looks so happy. They all do. And here I am—a lonely, old, miserable woman who allowed her selfish pride and foolish stubbornness to ruin her life.

Unfaithfulness is wrong. Revenge is bad. But the worst part of all is that, without forgiveness, bitterness is all that is left.

The state of your heart dictates whether you harbor a grudge or give grace, seek self-pity or seek Christ, drink human misery or taste God’s mercy.

No wonder, then, the wise man begs, “Above all else, guard your heart.”

David’s prayer should be ours: “Create in me a pure heart, O God.”

Choosing To Die

2008-09-05T08:47:00.000+08:00

" Go assemble all the Jews who are found in Susa, and fast for me; do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maidens also will fast in the same way. And thus, I will go into the king, which is not according to the law; and if I perish, I perish."

- Esther 4:16

Growing as an orphan under the care of her uncle Mordecai, Hadassah, who's popularly known as Queen Esther, became Queen after King Xerxes dethroned Queen Vashti for refusing to appear before him during the week long party held in the garden courtyard of his summer house. Mordecai knew that God had promoted Esther for a reason and Esther must have the courage and wisdom to see that reason and fulfill it.

In the same way, God also promotes us or puts us in a place for a reason, and we need the courage and wisdom to see that reason and to walk in it. Most of the time we think that there could be a place elsewhere where God wants us to do something for Him but on the contrary, as what Esther have realized, we can only serve God at the position we are right now because we are where we are for a reason.

Esther's response to Mordecai was not just commendable but also worthy of emulation. It was as if she's saying, "I can not lose my life in a better cause. Better do my duty and die for my people than shrink from my duty and die with them." She's not saying this out of desperation nor because she doesn't have any better choice but rather it was a full submission to do her duty to her fellow Jews and trust God with the matter at hand.

Esther carried a bold attitude towards her mission. She was determined to be obedient no matter what's the cost even if it means that she needs to choose to die.

2008-09-03T08:36:00.000+08:00

by Max Lucado

One can’t, at once, promote two reputations. Promote God’s and forget yours. Or promote yours and forget God’s. We must choose.

Joseph did. Matthew describes Jesus’s earthly father as a craftsman (Matt. 13:55). He lives in Nazareth: a single-camel map dot on the edge of boredom. Joseph never speaks in the New Testament. He does much. He sees an angel, marries a pregnant girl, and leads his family to Bethlehem and Egypt. He does much, but says nothing.

A small-town carpenter who never said a Scripture-worthy word. Is Joseph the right choice? Doesn’t God have better options? An eloquent priest from Jerusalem or a scholar from the Pharisees? Why Joseph? A major part of the answer lies in his reputation: he gives it up for Jesus. “Then Joseph [Mary’s] husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly” (Matt. 1:19).

Mary’s parents, by this point, have signed a contract and sealed it with a dowry. Mary belongs to Joseph; Joseph belongs to Mary. Legally and matrimonially bound.

Now what? His fiancée is pregnant, blemished, tainted … he is righteous, godly. On one hand, he has the law. On the other, he has his love. The law says, stone her. Love says, forgive her. Joseph is caught in the middle. But Joseph is a kind man. “Not wanting to disgrace her, [he] planned to send her away secretly” (v. 19 NASB).

A quiet divorce. How long would it stay quiet? Likely not long. But for a time, this was the solution.

Then comes the angel. “While he thought about these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, ‘Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to you Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit’ ” (v. 20).

Mary’s growing belly gives no cause for concern, but reason to rejoice. “She carries the Son of God in her womb,” the angel announces. But who would believe it? Who would buy this tale? Envision Joseph being questioned by the city leaders.

“Joseph,” they say, “we understand that Mary is with child.”

He nods.

“Is the child yours?”

He shakes his head.

“Do you know how she became pregnant?”

Gulp. A bead of sweat forms beneath Joseph’s beard. He faces a dilemma. He makes his decision. “Joseph … took to him his wife, and did not know her till she had brought forth her firstborn Son. And he called His name JESUS” (Matt. 1:24–25).

Joseph tanked his reputation. He swapped his reputation for a pregnant fiancée and an illegitimate son and made the big decision of discipleship. He placed God’s plan ahead of his own.

Would you be willing to do the same? God grants us an uncommon life to the degree we surrender our common one. “If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life” (Matt. 16:25 NLT). Would you forfeit your reputation to see Jesus born into your world?

2008-09-01T01:25:00.000+08:00

by Max Lucado

Isn’t it good to know that even when we don’t love with a perfect love, he does? God always nourishes what is right. He always applauds what is right. He has never done wrong, led one person to do wrong, or rejoiced when anyone did wrong. For he is love, and love “does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth” (1 Cor. 13:6 NASB).

God passes the test of 1 Corinthians 13:6. Well, he should; he drafted it.

So where does this leave us? Perhaps with a trio of reminders. When it comes to love:

Be careful.

Until love is stirred, let God’s love be enough for you. There are seasons when God allows us to feel the frailty of human love so we’ll appreciate the strength of his love. Didn’t he do this with David? Saul turned on him. Michal, his wife, betrayed him. Jonathan and Samuel were David’s friends, but they couldn’t follow him into the wilderness. Betrayal and circumstances left David alone. Alone with God. And, as David discovered, God was enough. David wrote these words in a desert: “Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.… My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods” (Ps. 63:3, 5 NIV).

Be prayerful.

What if it’s too late? Specifically, what if you’re married to someone you don’t love—or who doesn’t love you? Many choose to leave. That may be the step you take. But if it is, take at least a thousand others first. And bathe every one of those steps in prayer. Love is a fruit of the Spirit. Ask God to help you love as he loves. “God has given us the Holy Spirit, who fills our hearts with his love” (Rom. 5:5 CEV). Ask everyone you know to pray for you. Your friends. Your family. Your church leaders. Get your name on every prayer list available. And, most of all, pray for and, if possible, with your spouse. Ask the same God who raised the dead to resurrect the embers of your love.

Be grateful.

Be grateful for those who love you. Be grateful for those who have encouraged you to do what is right and applauded when you did. Do you have people like that in your world? If so, you are doubly blessed. Be grateful for them. And be grateful for your Father in heaven.

Just A Clay In The Hands Of God

2008-08-30T16:25:00.000+08:00

"Oh House of Israel, Can I not do with you as this potter does?' declares the Lord. 'Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, oh house of Israel."
- Jeremiah 18:6

There's nothing glamorous in a clay. No luster. No sparkle. No exquisite color. It's just brown-colored mud that people just trample on. But a clay is precious in the eyes of a potter. For when the potter looks at the clay, he's not seeing the mud, he sees what he can make through the mud - beautiful, timeless and expensive pieces of jars.

In the hands of the potter, a clay has no plans of its own. It just bends with the hands of its maker. It copies every curve, every depth, every line. It's mold able, pliable and totally submissive to the person behind the potter's wheel. There's nothing worth boasting about being a clay except that it is exactly what God is looking for.

I was like the clay before but now I am as stubborn as the Israelites during the time of Jeremiah. God has given them warnings and corrections but they refused to listen. How many times did God tell me to change my ways but I did not listen. I have deliberately disobeyed His Word. I know I deserve to be punished.

Just like that potter who changes his mind, I cannot blame God for changing His mind on me either. I cannot complain if He'll bring disaster to my life now instead of blessings. I deserve to be reprimanded. I deserve to be exiled. Maybe there I will learn more to truly worship and praise and love God. Maybe there, I will also benefit from my own "exile".

When I come back, once again, I will submit to His molding and allow Him to shape me and my future to what He wants it to be. Just like the clay - the clay in the hands of the Divine Potter.

The One That Got Away

2008-07-16T09:28:00.000+08:00

In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with …and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away?

I guess it’s that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose. I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a long time partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing.

It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance. How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequential become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will. The day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come.

Hopefully you’re single… but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about. You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You’ll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?"

That’s what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that if you’re already with the one you’re with, that this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different. What do you do if it’s not yet too late? Simple… find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one? Ask him out to coffee; ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away." You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference.

If the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow. And it would be a great feeling, if in the end, you’d be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you’re the one that almost got away."

- anonymous

Letter From God On Divine Human Love

2008-07-02T00:48:00.000+08:00

Everybody longs to give himself completely to someone; to have a deep soul relationship with another; to be loved thoroughly and exclusively;but God to a Christian says:

No, not until you are content with living, loved by Me alone. I love you my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with ME; exclusively of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desire or longing.

I want you to stop your frantic planning and to stop wishing, and to allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing; one you can't imagine. There are things you may not understand now, but I allow things to happen because I want you to have the BEST. Please allow Me to bring it to you.

Don't struggle with Me because I am pursuing you to bless you. Just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest thing. Keep experiencing satisfaction in knowing I am. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait.

Do not be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around in envy at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I want to show you. And then when you're ready, I'll surprise you with the love far more wonderful than you would've dreamt.

You see, until you're ready and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working on both of you even this very moment to make you both ready at the same time) and UNTIL you are both satisfied exclusively with ME and the life I have prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me.

I want you to have this most wonderful human love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection of the love that I offer you with Myself.

Human love is a faint shadow of My love for you. Know that I love you and that I am God Almighty.

Believe and be satisfied.

- anonymous
pics from Ben Scales Album

I Carry Your Heart

2008-06-24T20:55:00.000+08:00

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
And whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
And the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
Higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

- by e. e. cummings

The poem is about love - deep, profound, the kind that transcends. I have dreamt of loving and being loved this way, but some things are just meant to be behold in dreams, in hopes, in fantasy. But who knows! I may love again one day.

Looking Outside the Car Window

2008-05-24T22:46:00.000+08:00

As the car was running in a steady motion, the sound of rain drops tapping on the window pane get lost by the soft music playing on the car radio while we are all sitting comfortably inside. The rain was fierce, the wind was gushing, and streets were flooding. Nobody was saying a word. The air of peaceful quietness filled the car. Questions like what if we get caught in the rain? what if we get stuck in the flood? what if we can’t find our way home? was never asked because we trust our driver enough. He’ll get us home safe, sound and secure even if it means that he needs to put up with his aching back, tired eyes and numbing hands on the wheel.

Sometimes it’s amazing how simple and ordinary things like this can bring about life-changing reflections. Sometimes, when you least expect it, something will happen in your life that will bring your attention to how Jesus loves you so much. How He’s willing, more than willing to bear anything for you just to get you home safe, sound and secure.

Jesus is behind the wheel of my life. I am sitting comfortably at the backseat. As I look outside the window, all I can see were dark clouds, rough roads, and blown trees. But my heart feels safe even in the midst of raining uncertainties because God is here. He will always be my shelter, my refuge, my comfort not just during rainy nights but even through the raging tempest. I will make it through the rain, I will hold on tightly to my faith, I will keep pressing on. I will make it home.

Next Chapter...

2008-04-13T16:43:00.000+08:00

It's two days after graduation day. My seminary life was over. I can finally close this chapter of my life and start a new one. God is the skillfull writer behind this chapter now. Choosing is a dilemna when there are so many options waiting in front of you. There are things that I want to do personally. Like get married, be a wife and a mother, who wouldn't want that. But I don't see myself being that yet. I see myself as a respected educator equipping the equippers in areas of education, leadership, mission and discipleship. People might raise their eyebrows and would try their best to get me to panic because the "clock is ticking." Well, the clock can tick all it want, I have a God who's timing is perfect. I can't be tied up to any commitment right now because I want to have no strings attached to me when God decided to move me from one place to another. He might call me to go abroad and when God called the time to obey is now, not later. I can't put off God's work just because I want to pursue want I think is best for me now and I'm not sure if I know what's best. Only God knows that and I believe that He's safeguarding all the best for me.

I need to wait until August for the licensure exam so for now I will be taking TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Language) program this summer and hope to teach pre-school or english this school year. As Pastor Sam has said it, I am now a full-pledge Shepherd of CSAFMI. I need to face the responsibilities of a shepherd even if sometimes I don't feel like it. But obedience is doing God's will even if we don't feel like doing it. Lately, things are getting a little rough and tough in the ministry. Most of the time I want to give up. My only desire is to serve God and sometimes I can't understand why it is so hard to simply just do that. Serving God should not be this complicated. I never thought that it can be this difficult. Club 8586 made it so simple and I can't understand why its so hard here. But God is writing this chapter now just like what He did to the previous chapter, this new one will also be full of His faithfullness, providence, grace and patience. I can't ask for more.

As I open this new chapter of my life, I am thankful to Pastor Arnold and Pastor Sam for being God's instrument in bringing out the best in me.

Graduation Blues

2008-04-03T18:59:00.000+08:00

I am graduating. I will be an official member of the unemployed society starting next Saturday. Modesty aside, I already have turned down two job offers mainly because of my ministry and also because I don't know yet what to do next. It's really mind boggling when a lot of persons are offering you options on what to do. For instance, earlier today my former English teacher asked me if I want to take-up TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) right after graduation. This 5-week summer training costs around 10 thousand pesos and she said that she's willing to help me with the money.

I really count all these things to be God's blessings and His way of telling me that He knows what He has in mind for me to do. I feel secured because I am confident that I don't need to worry where I am going because God already have a plan for my life after graduation but at the same time I'm scared because I need to be sensitive enough to choose which of the things that are being offerred to me are part of His will. It's hard. It is really confusing. I am afraid to miss God's will just because I am not sensitive enough.

I really feel sad. Graduation is supposed to be a family event. CSAFMI is my family now. I really do want to celebrate this wonderful day of my life with them. We have been with this journey of my life together. For some reasons, I wouldn't be able to share this day with them, specially with my Pastors. I really am sad and I feel like crying but I need to understand that there are more important things to do than to attend my graduation service. Ministry is of utmost importance.

I am sharing my testimony on our Baccalaureate Service. I want them to know and other people to hear how they have helped in bringing out the best in me. I guess, some words are better left unsaid after all.

That None Should Be Missing...

2008-01-14T16:44:00.000+08:00

Last Friday was indeed very special for God has allowed Christ's Shepherds and Flock Ministry International to celebrate its 6th Foundation Day with this year's theme: "That None Should Be Missing." The event started with praises and adoration for our Heavenly Father through songs led by CSAFMI's praise and worship team followed by Rev. Arnold Requierro's preaching from the Word of God. The worship service ended at almost 12nn so with full Spirits but hungry stomachs the congregation pooled around the buffet table. Heartfelts laughs and cheerful chatters can be seen and heard everywhere. It is really such a wonderful sight to see God's people gathering together in unity.

The afternoon was also a blast! Smiles are already pasted on every one's faces as they excitedly show cast their "hidden talents" through the group presentations. The members from the local church in Sucat gave a radio-drama presentation of the old radio show entitled "Ang inyong Tiya Dely" and afterwards sang their own rendition of the Hillsong's "Thank You, Lord." The kids not wanting to be out-witted by the "oldies" sang their heart out as they follow the Psalty tape led by Teacher Cheryl. Proud parents can't be stopped from gigling at the back as some workers tried to disturb the children's performance. But the kids didn't gave them the chance to spoil their presentation.

I spend almost a week of sleepless nights for the preparations. I did the invitations and some photo-presentations, I was a little disappointed because I intend to do a video clip presentation with narrations about the history of the church like how it all began and what it is now after six years but time doesn't pernit me to do so. Maybe I can startt doing it now so it would be available for the jubilee years, ha!ha!ha! We had a lot of short-comings but I believe that God sees the heart of every one involved in the preparations, I thank Him for enabling Arnie in coordinating the occassion. I can't thank God enough for giving us enough resources to make the event possible. I praise Him for His unfailing faithfulness.

It's That Time Of Year

2008-01-05T01:25:00.000+08:00

Here it is again, the time of the year that most of us are given the opportunity to be with those closest to our hearts. Letting go of the pass year while celebrating, rejoicing and embracing the coming year. I haven't been given the opportunity to spend new year with my love ones. Why? We have a scheduled meeting in church that we can't set aside. We cannot do that to our Master. We are just but servants, who are obeying what God - our Master is telling us to do. Commitment to God and His ministry is tested when ministry responsibilities are going against the norms. It was the first time that I've not spent New Year's eve in our home in Cavite. Somehow, there's a tiny ache at the small corner of my heart but I guess my heart really know where it belong. It belongs to God. Forever.

It was almost 11:00 o'clock of the last day of 2007 when our meeting ended. I really would not have the opportunity to go home so I've decided to stay. I was prepared to spend the night alone. I would read my Bible and pray. Then, maybe I would play some games on my sister's laptop until my eyes hurt. But Nanay Let, our senior pastor's wife, has cooked for all of us and invited us over to their house. So to cut the long story short, I've spent new year's eve in Pastor Arnold's house. Watching fireworks display outside with the kids was a very wonderful experience. It made me laugh thinking about Dan-dan. The poor boy was afraid of the loud bang of the firecrackers but he love the fireworks. Afterwards, Kuya Choi, Kuya Sam, Harold and I played scrabble. Well, its only the four of us who are officially playing but everyone in the room was equally engaged as well in the game. The "playful" quarrels of Kuya Sam and Harold about the words was a blast, with Pastor Sam also cracking jokes at the sideline, the night was really full of laughters and cheers.

Afterwards the group went back to church for CPP (Christ's Power Pool). Praying and pouring out our heart to God, I believe that He has blessed each one of us that day. At 6:00 am of January 01, 2008. Kuya Sam, Loribel, Lemuel, Jelmar and Faithie raided our house. We've played scrabble again and watched DVD until we can't open our eyes anymore. ha!ha!ha! That's why after lunch, we can't hold it any longer, most of us took a nap. At 5:00pm, we went to Pastor Sam's house for the foundation day meeting. We can't get enough of the scrabble game, so guess what? they played again! I didn't join the game because I was so busy with Ming, the cat with one eyes blue and the other green, (believe me! I've seen it.) and R2D2 and Darth, the dogs ala starwars.

I ended my day full of hope, full of promises, full of blessings. I thank God for this year. I thank Him for the fresh start.

The Parable of the Stones

2007-12-27T20:59:00.000+08:00

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

-- Proverbs 3 1:10 (NW) --

I MUST WARN you, reader; before you begin. These words are ancient jewels mined from the quarry of my life. Read them only if you dare treasure them. For it would be better to never know, than to know and not obey.

The hand which writes them is now old, wrinkled from the sun and labor.

But the mind which guides them is wise.

wise from years

wise from failures

wise from heartache.

I am Asmara, merchant of fine stones.

I am a seller of stones. I travel from city to city. I buy jewels from the diggers in one land and sell them to the buyers in another I have weathered nights on stormy waters. I have walked days through desert heat. I have dined with kings. I have drunk with paupers. My hands have held the finest rubies and stroked the deepest furs. But I would trade it all for the one jewel I never knew.

It was not for lack of opportunity that I never held it. There was a chance in Madrid when I was young. No, it was not for lack of opportunity. It was for lack of wisdom. The jewel was in my hand, but I exchanged it for an imitation. And now I fear my days will end without my ever knowing the beauty of the precious stone.

I have never known true love.

I have known embraces. I have seen beauty. But I have never known love.

If only I'd learned to recognize love as I have learned to recognize stones.

My father taught me about stones. He was a jewel cutter. He would seat me at a table before a dozen emeralds. "One is true," he would tell me. "The others are false. Find the true jewel."

I would ponder—studying one after the other. Finally I would choose. I was always wrong.

"The secret, "he would say," is not on the surface of the stone; it is inside the stone. A true jewel has a glow. Deep within the gem there is a flame. The surface can always be polished to shine, but with time the sparkle fades. However, the stone that shines from within will never fade."

With the years, my eyes learned to spot true stones. I am never fooled. The stones I purchase are authentic. The gems I sell are true. I have learned to see the light within. If only I'd learned the same about love.

But I've been foolish, dear reader, and I've been fooled.

I've spent my life in places I shouldn't have been, looking for someone with sparkling eyes, beautiful hair, a dazzling smile, and fancy clothes. I've searched for a woman with outer beauty, but no true value. And now I am left with emptiness.

Once I almost found her. Many years ago in Madrid, I met the daughter of a farmer. Her ways were simple. Her love was pure. Her eyes were honest. But her looks were plain. She would have loved me. She would have held me through every season. Within her was a glow of devotion the like of which I've never seen since.

But I continued looking for someone whose beauty would outshine the rest.

How many times since have I longed for that farm girl's kind heart, her sweet smile, her faithfulness? If only I'd known that true beauty is found inside, not outside. If only I'd known, how many tears would I have saved?

I'd trade in a moment a thousand rare gems for the true heart of one who would have loved me.

Dear reader, heed my warning. Look closely at the stones before you open your purse. True love glows from within and grows stronger with the passage of time.

Heed my caution. Look for the purest gem. Look deep within the heart to find the greatest beauty of all. And when you find that gem, hold onto her and never let her go.

For in her you have been granted a treasure worth far more than rubies.

Seek beauty and miss love.

But seek love and find both.

- from Tell Me the Secrets

by Max Lucado

I just want to say thank you..

2007-12-25T20:33:00.000+08:00

Tonight in the stillness of this room, I thank God for all the things that He has done and is still doing in my life. I confess that its so hard to follow God's will and instructions for my life. I hurt and struggle a lot. But reflecting upon the reason for this season silenced me from my complaints. I cannot out-give God, I can never give more than what He has given for me.

The night is indeed silent, it is indeed holy. Thank you, God for your Son Jesus.

Sounds Of Christmas

2007-12-11T20:11:00.000+08:00

One thing that kept me busy the last few weeks was the ASCM Christmas party. As the SBO vice-president, I was tasked to spearhead the activity. After the tedious days and nights of preparations, "Sounds Of Christmas" was held last December 06 at the ASCM Chapel. Excited and not so excited seminary students pooled inside the chapel sanctuary at around 10:30am. We're not hearing good feedbacks when were just preparing for the event. Students were so busy with school papers that they find no time to practice and prepare for the activity. Complaints were left and right. I can't blame them for feeling so pressured because the organizing committee also felt the same. The party was suppossed to be scheduled on Thursday but Dr. Scott (ASCM president) is flying to US this week, since it is his first ASCM party, we've moved the date for him.

Last Thursday was a blast! I was surprised by the attendance turn-out. I was the program coordinator and it squeeze all the energy and brain-out me. The first part of the program was serious, as seminary students we were expected to pay homage to the very reason why we are in the seminary, this was part of the tradition. The second part was a competition. The different year levels including the masterla students and the faculty and staff were to compete in four categories: Best in Carol Rendition, Best in Costume, Best In Lantern and Best Group. We have invited several judges from the our "neighbors" inside the building. I was very glad that they participated in the events inspite of the workloads they have in their own offices. Thank you very much Sir Oli, Ms. Gigi, Ms. Me-ann, Ms. Fatz and our very own Dr. Scott for gracing our Christmas party. It won't be such a success without your patient scrutiny and heartfelt understanding of our short-comings.

Laughter field the air, happy faces can be seen all around as the seminary students forget their inhibitions and dressed up as beggars, pintados, pre-school boys and girls and even the faculty and staff goofed around with us. Who can forget the human lantern out of Sir Alvin. As the female faculty and staff were singing their own carol rendition with matching sign language, the male facculty and staff was busy decorating their human lantern. Camera flashes were unstoppable for everbody wanted to capture this very rare moment. Although, we can't get enough of the fun, every program should come to an end. The SBO Execom was pressured as the groups waited for the announcement of winners. The Master almost got all the awards for they won 3 out of four categories: the Best Carol, Best Costume and Best Group. They really have proven that they were worthy to be called "masters" and we bowed to their performance headed by Ms. Ayin. The 3rd year students were very thankful for winning the Best in lanter award, care to know why? because every category was with a cash prize. They are having their victory party as I am writing this entry. *envy mode*

This is the most unforgettable ASCM Christmas party that I'll ever have. Thank you Ascm for giving me memories to cherish as I remember my seminary life. Merry Christmas ASCM!!!

Three Things I won't Let Go

2007-12-10T19:51:00.000+08:00

I was tagged by Marj almost a month ago since I've been out of the blogging community for quite sometime I wasn't able to give sometime to answer. Tonight, I want to ponder on life. The year is nearing to its end, I guess it's perfect to think things over...

1. I won't let go of God.
I live, I breath, I exist because of Jesus without Him I am nothing. I don't want to live the aimless life anymore. My life has taken a different turn the moment I gave myself to God. Everything else in my life are just details. Friends come then go, love blooms and then fades but God remains.

2. I won't let go of my Ministry.
CSAFMI is a commitment I have made with God. And I have decided to stay in this ministry no matter what happen. I believe that God has brought me here that He designed every circumstances and situations in my life to be the way it is in order for me to find my way here. All that I have, all that I am right now and all that I hoped to be I will give for the cause of Christ through CSAFMI. No matter what the others are saying, no matter how much hurts I am experiencing. I have made my choice. I chose to stay.

3. I won't let go of You.
Ruth 1:16-17, "Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!” No matter how ironic it may seems but I have made a vow to God that I will not leave you.

The "I will be here" Guy

2007-07-01T20:26:00.000+08:00

Faithie, Mec-mec and I watched the Steven Curtis Chapman Concert at COP main auditorium last Friday night. The concert was awesome, COP was packed. We arrived almost an hour before the concert but the place was already almost full with excited SCC fans. Steven is the original "I Will Be Here guy". He wrote and dedicated the song for her wife of almost 23 years. The song, "I Will Be Here" is a HUGE hit here in the Philippines. Not by Steven, but by Gary V. Everyone knows the song here. I adore this song.

When I was in my teen-age years (a little backtrack!) My friends and I were so obsessed with "the sign" thing. It was like the fleece thing of Gideon. When God was calling him to do ministry, he asked God for signs, sort of confirmation - "just to be sure thing". He placed a fleece in a container and asked God to make the fleece dry and the ground wet the following morning and it happened. Not so convinced of the first sign, he asked God to make the fleece wet this time but the ground dry. It also became true the next morning.

My sign was a bouquet of different colored roses and the "I will be here" song. Unfortunately for me, the roses are about to be extinct (just kidding!) and "I will be here" song is soon to be a classic (he!he!) but still there's no sign that 'my sign' is going to happen soon. ha!ha!ha! So, it was really a consolation on my part to hear Steven singing it live. A deep sigh was all I can manage after Steven stroke the last chord of this song. That was the way I wanted it to be sung - pure, sincere, overflowing with love. (misty-eyed!)

Members of Steven's band are Will Frank, 16 on the drums, Caleb Stevenson, 17 on the electric and acoustic, and like a son, Chris Chesbro, 21 on the bass and acoustic! If you closed your eyes and listened, you'd have no idea that these guys are this young. They are doing great!

I really enjoyed the night. Christians from all over Metro Manila had pooled together not to "worship" Steven but to praise and worship God at his lead. Some of my ASCM schoolmates also watched the concert. It was sad, though, that Pastor Sam, Allan and Pastor Ana wasn't able to make it on time.

COP full-house

Steven and his band

the final bow

What My Eyes Says About Me

2007-04-10T18:39:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Small Enough

2007-03-31T20:25:00.000+08:00

Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now
there were times when i was crying from the dark of Daniel's den
and I have asked You once or twice if You would part the sea again
but tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky
just wanna know You're gonna hold me if I start to cry
Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now

Oh, great God, be close enough to feel You now
there have been moments when I could not face Goliath on my own
and how could I forget we've marched around our share of Jerichos
but I will not be setting out a fleece for You tonight
just wanna know that everything will be alright
Oh great God, be close enough to feel you now

All praise and all honor be
to the God of ancient mysteries
whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our history
but tonight my heart is heavy
and I cannot keep from whispering this prayer
"Are You there?"

And I know You could leave writing on the wall that's just for me
or send wisdom while I'm sleeping, like in Solomon's sweet dreams
but I don't need the strength of Samson or a chariot in the end
just want to know that You still know how many hairs are on my head
Oh great God, be small enough to hear me now
-by nichole nordeman

Yesterday, Jeff and I had a little chit-chat on the net. He's a friend I've met from Barrio Alimasag. We've talked about faith and religion. At the end of the "talkshow", (we're sort of joking that it seems like we were in a pre-holy week special talk show) he gave me the lyrics of this song.

It really amaze me how God can make a simple conversation have a meaningful end for me. I was really feeling low yesterday, I felt like crying but there were no tears falling from my eyes. Or should I say I didn't let any single tear fall. I felt like crying when I was talking to Ptr. Arnold but somehow my pride got in the way. I don't want them to see me crying. My heart goes for my dear friend Venus. I want her to stay at CSAFMI. I hold on 'till the end. I feel like King David who had mourned and fasted for Batsheba's child. He refused to eat and wore sackcloth, he pleaded to God for the life of the child. But when the child died, he get up to his feet and moved on.

I guess, I also need to move on. I have prayed hard to God that He talk to my friend and clear her clouded mind. Hoping that He would made her stay. But yesterday, she decided to move out. My heart is grieving I feel like dying but I need to move on. Wounded and bleeding I am moving on to do the things that God wants me to do.

I do need God to be small enough to embrace me now. I feel all alone and so lonely. I know that my God can do great and miraculous things for me but I don't need signs and wonders now. I just need my Comforter to hold me tight and assure me that everything is still alright. He's still in control. And all that I need to do is to trust Him.

One Art

2007-03-30T20:59:00.000+08:00

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

- by Elizabeth Bishop

There is a courageous pretense built into every line of the poem. A masquerade of bravery. Hiding the pain of losing, mastering the art of letting go. Acting detached, sounding funny, wearing a smile - but behind all these is the wounded, broken and aching heart. Sometimes I do wonder how many people go on this kind of routine everyday? Losing and letting go. I have had my share of losing but still I haven't master the art. It is still hard to let go, still piercing my heart, still tearing my world apart.

But I still believe that what God removes He replaces. I don't need to master the art of losing for I have learned to embrace my record of losses. Because every loss means a loving embrace and a promise of comfort from God.